I hate being sick... I hate feeling like this.....

No expectations... no expectations..

but what scares me the most, is having to start right at the very bottom

I really need a fix.

Today, I realised that..

no matter how great your family is, how many close friends you have, how loving your bf might be,

at the end of the day, you are all by yourself.

I feel so lonely.

I will never put my shield down. I can never put my shield down.

I've been lying in bed for a good few days already....

Sometimes I really just want to forget about the world, forget everything that's going on around me..

It's too much...

Maybe it's the medicine. Must be the medicine attacking me with such heavy dosage of negativity.

It's Christmas soon... Who's getting my chistmas tree with me this year?

Watching you slowly and painfully bend down to touch your needled feet made me feel so sad... I wish it was me who had to go through all these unbearable experiences. I wish I could share the pain with you. I know I shouldn't but sometimes... sometimes I hate him for leaving so real... so heavy a burden on you. Compared with you, my alergic conjunctivitis is as trivial as a mosquito bite.

you make me want to be a much better and stronger person. Get well soon mum...... I love you.